Break-up’s are painful, difficult, and overwhelming at times. Separations can affect our minds, bodies, and hearts in a powerful way. Here are top ten wellness essentials from Certified Easting Psychology and Healthy-Mindset Coach, Vanessa Rogers.
The irony of a painful break-up is that it can end up being a positive and beneficial thing to go through in the big picture. It’s possible that the overall outcome of the separation may be necessary for a healthy evolution. The strength that is built and created in the recovery process becomes part of you: something you can always tap into as needed. Wellness essentials will get you through.
Crisis or Opportunity? You decide.
I’m a certified Eating Psychology Coach and I know that steady, healthy habits are going to be the best way to support yourself at this time. You’ll come out on the other side thankful for your conscious effort and headed in a positive direction. Keeping your word to yourself and showing up to support your health, wellness, and happiness rebuilds your self-esteem, which will get you to bounce back at a level higher than you’ve been before. Using these wellness essentials you can create a routine you can lean on. This wellness routine will support you when you need it most.
Here are some important pieces to consider when building yours.
1. Affirm: Your value is inherent and unconditional. That is your foundation. You are valuable. People coming in or out of your life, other’s opinions and actions do not impact your inherent value. It is unchanging. Depending on how the separation, break-up or divorce process has gone for you, it can be fertile ground for self-doubt. So affirm: you are strong, you are powerful, you matter, daily. This mindset shift is a building block to more healthy behaviors. A firm foundation is essential during this time, and most importantly, it’s true.
2. Practice conscious choices — stay present. Notice, are you present with the experience of your emotions? How about your pain? Humans have innate systems that drive us away from pain, including uncomfortable emotions. Emotional pain can feel more intense if it connects back to an old wound from your younger years. It feels intense and the brain says, “get out now!” That’s usually when people reach for food/drink/shopping/people, etc. to numb and distract themselves for temporary relief. Don’t leave your inner self in the trenches when she’s hurting. Staying present (often with the support of a professional), is what allows you to process those feelings and not stuff them down because they will, of course, return until you address them. I know you can do it!
3. Move your body. “An object at rest stays at rest, an object in motion stays in motion.” – Newton’s first law of motion. It’s easy to be stagnant when a part of you begs to stay in bed. Some days those parts win, but eventually it’s time to get moving. Just a morning walk (perhaps with an audible book) or 20 minutes of yoga in the living room is a great place to start. Moving is what your body is designed to do and it’s important to show up for your mind, body and spirit in this process. Bonus points for dancing! Movement should be enjoyable.
4. Breathe and quiet the mind. If you haven’t done so yet, this is the time to create a stillness practice. Stillness is to the mind what movement is to the body. Any time there’s a change, the mind jumps on it; scenario planning, running through the what-if’s, rehearsing, and rehashing. Give your sweet little melon a break and just let yourself breathe. Literally. Tap in while you sit in silence, maybe with a candle and a comfy pillow. Sit without distractions and notice your breath going in and out. It will shift your nervous system into much needed relaxation mode, where healing lives.
5. Buy the healthy things. One of the most simple and effective strategies for my eating psychology clients is to not buy the things that you don’t want to eat! Fill your kitchen with healthy, whole food items that come from the earth, like fruits and veggies, and if you need a treat, make it a healthy high quality version. It’s essential to for your wellness to set and honor your meal and sleep schedules as well, which set you up for consistent energy and a balanced mood.
6. Ask for help. Reach out to friends, neighbors, and/or family members who lift you up (filter accordingly!), and of course, Spirit. When changing a living arrangement or separating from a relationship, you’re used to being around someone consistently. Having more alone time will feel different to your system. It may feel like something is missing, and that’s why it can be helpful to be around people you love, who make you laugh, who are good listeners. You may just want them to be around you physically to simply listen or to share your space. It’s OK to ask for that, ask for what you need. You can always, always give your cares to the Universe, and/or your higher power, who is always there. If you are not near friends or family, pets can be a wonderful alternative, too.
7. Write it out. As Julia Cameron says, “ask not why me, but what’s next?” Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, recommends writing three pages each morning as a brain-dump exercise. She believes that around the two-page mark you’ll start to discover new and honest thoughts and desires. So, let it all out, share your heart in writing daily for six weeks and see what you discover.
8. Treat yourself. Give yourself that which brings you joy and raises your vibration. Watch a funny show or movie that makes you laugh, plan a fun getaway, get outside and enjoy nature, or a spa day. This is all about you! Do what lights you up.
9. Be really really gentle. You’re grieving. When all else fails, just ask, “How can I be kind to myself in this moment?”
10. Take it one day at a time. This too shall pass, and there is no such thing as a challenge without a gift for you in its hands.
Vanessa Rogers is a best-selling author, Certified Eating Psychology and Healthy-Mindset Coach. Vanessa helps people across the country reach their health goals in a sustainable way by starting at the root and creating a thriving wellness lifestyle that nurtures the mind, body, and spirit. She is Certified by the Institute for the Psychology of Eating and studied Nutrition and Human Development at the University of California, San Diego, where she was a college athlete. Learn more about Vanessa’s offerings at Vanessacrogers.com
Revolutionizing the conversation around Divorce, one internal narrative at a time.
DISCLAIMER: The commentary, advice, and opinions from Gabrielle Hartley are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice or mental health services. You should contact an attorney and/or mental health professional in your state to obtain advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.